Volume 1: Finding You in the Dark

༺CHAPTER 1༻ Leesa had hated Jess ever since he spread a rumor that she had killed her best friend, who had now been missing for 2 years. The whole school stared at Leesa morning and night. Several of her friends had even dropped her, saying she was horrible. Luckily her best friend was always there to believe her and fight back against Jess... Except that one day she had actually gotten into a real fight with Jess. It ended badly since they were both suspended for 1 week. Her best friend, Lia, didn't let anyone walk all over her, and she was always ready for a fight. This year she had decided to ignore him and try to have a really good year without any trouble. Her parents having refused to let her switch schools, she had been forced to try to set the record straight, which hadn't worked. Luckily a few days later the REAL culprit had been arrested and imprisoned. She felt relieved to hear the news. Jess then became the one hated by the whole school, right up until the end of the year. But this year would be different, she wanted to believe that everything had been forgotten. She ran into Jess in the hallways, who gave her a sideways smile. Leesa responded by rolling her eyes and went on her way. Jess had changed, physically, and she hoped mentally too.

༺CHAPTER 2༻ Leesa arrived with Lia in front of the crowd; everyone was stressed about finding out who they'd be with for the whole year. Leesa watched the people around her — who was talking about her? Did they remember? She swallowed loudly and could feel her heart drumming in her chest. For now nothing had changed: the same walls, the same benches, the same people whispering and looking at you while laughing. When the crowd thinned out a little, she went to the noticeboard to read it, her hands clammy and trembling. She found her name! She was with Lia, and a few lines below... she saw Jess's name. She looked at Lia in disgust and said: "Is this a joke? We're in the same class as Jess!" Suddenly Jess appeared behind her; he was much taller now, so he could see the board even though Leesa and Lia were standing in front of it. When he found his name and Leesa's two lines above it, he looked at her with a smug smile. He said: "See you in a minute, princess!" He turned on his heel and left. Leesa shot back: "Don't call me that!" Jess did nothing; he kept walking without turning around. Leesa and Lia had trouble finding their classroom. Everyone had already gone in. Lia knocked without hesitation, then opened the door. The teacher said nothing to them, other than to go sit wherever there was a free seat. Leesa looked at where there were free seats — either next to Jess or at the very back. Lia looked at the teacher, and then, afraid of nothing, said: "There is absolutely no way we're being separated!" The entire room went silent. The teacher looked at them in confusion, then told them it was their own fault — they were late, too bad. So she placed them, and when the teacher called her name, she started to panic. She might even go and beg the teacher. And then the teacher said: "Leesa, next to Jess in the second row, and Lia in the last row." Leesa said nothing, sat down next to Jess without a word. Jess looked at her with his amber eyes that turned orange in the sunlight. And he whispered to her with his half-smile: "Hello again, princess! I told you I'd see you in a minute." Leesa stared at him and ignored him. He took her chin with his index finger, then slowly turned her head. "You're not going to answer me, Leesa?" he said with a charming smile. Her breath caught. She didn't like this.

༺CHAPTER 3༺ Jess let go of her chin gently. Leesa put her light brown hair back in front of her face and rested her face on her hand. Jess was still staring at her. Leesa felt uncomfortable. The teacher was talking but Leesa couldn't hear a thing — she only felt Jess close to her, and his scent, strong yet soft at the same time. Leesa was breathing heavily. When Leesa was breathing normally again, she listened to the teacher to take her mind off things... Until Jess pressed his knee against Leesa's under the table. Leesa did nothing; she didn't even glance at him — it was simply perhaps not done on purpose. The teacher handed out sheets; he took the sheet and his fingers touched hers delicately. Jess was smiling with his head bowed. Then he pressed his arm against hers. Leesa didn't move; she was petrified, she was even starting to tremble, with the warmth and the smell of Jess so close to her. The teacher wrote on the board. Jess leaned close to her ear and brushed her earlobe with his lip, then whispered in a low voice: "You're trembling, Leesa?" The bell rang — finally — and everyone left. Leesa packed up all her things quickly and Jess said: "This afternoon we have Chemistry, and we have a lab session together, princess." He went off to join his friends, but before he did he winked at her. Leesa blushed. Lia came up to her and asked if it had been okay sitting next to that loser. Leesa didn't answer and stood frozen. Lia waved her hand in front of her face and asked if she was alright. Leesa startled and said yes. Lia asked her what the lesson had been about because she'd been sleeping and hadn't listened to any of it. Leesa said: "The lesson?! Well I have no idea either, I was daydreaming." They laughed, and then Lia said: "Oh well, never mind the lesson — now we just have to hope there's no test."

༺CHAPTER 4༻ Leesa and Lia set their trays down, far from Jess. Finally. Today's lunch was mashed potatoes and ham. Lia said: "What kind of meal is this? I don't even like it, are you serious?! Hold on Leesa, I'm going to go get a second yogurt and loads of bread." Lia went to get her second yogurt, which was technically not allowed. Leesa was alone. Lia came back, disappointed, with just two big handfuls of bread. She said: "The lunch lady told me off. And I was being discreet too." Leesa laughed. They were starting to eat when a man's voice, deep, said: "Enjoy your meal, princess." Leesa sighed. It was Jess. She turned around and said: "When are you finally going to leave me alone?!" Jess looked at her with a smug smile and said: "Never!" Leesa picked up her plate of mashed potatoes and shoved it in his face. Lia stood up and applauded, all by herself... which echoed through the entire cafeteria. Jess removed the plate and said: "I'm not sure I deserved that, princess." Leesa told him to leave and he did so without flinching. He went to the bathroom to clean himself up. Lia looked at Leesa, beaming with pride, and said: "YES!! WELL DONE LEESA! THAT'S THANKS TO ME! THAT LOSER HAD IT COMING!" Jess came back, his black hair damp and all disheveled. Leesa watched him for a long moment. Jess looked at her from a distance and winked at her again. Lia snorted and grumbled: "What a loser, and the worst part is he thinks he's good-looking, oh my god." A noise rang through the entire cafeteria, making it go completely silent. The person looked at Leesa and pointed at her, then stammered: "Isn't that her — isn't she the one who killed her best friend?" The whole cafeteria turned toward Leesa, who was turning red. Lia looked at her and shouted: "Have you not seen the news? Go on, get out of here and mind your own business!" Jess watched Leesa with no expression. Why had that person done that?

༺CHAPTER 5༻ It was time to head upstairs to Chemistry, to do that wretched lab session with Jess. There was only one thing Leesa hoped for: that the hour would fly by. When she sat down next to Jess, he wasn't looking at her this time. He was looking out the window. Leesa grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and looked him straight in the eyes. She cried: "It was you who did that, wasn't it, Jess — admit it, it was you!" Jess stayed silent and asked her to let go of him, which she did. Then he replied in a gentle voice: "Hey, calm down! And no, I promise I didn't do anything. I've changed, Leesa, I've learned from my mistakes and I won't make them again." Leesa apologized. The hour dragged on; during the lab session, Jess was distant — he called her neither by her name nor by her nickname. And it hurt. A few minutes later a loud BOOM rang out from the back of the room. The class turned around and saw Lia with grey foam all over her table, the walls, and her face. She let out a small "oops" and smiled nervously. The teacher said that was exactly why you had to listen CAREFULLY to the instructions. Which Lia had clearly not done. Jess stared at Leesa, but differently than usual — more with compassion or pity. When he met Leesa's ice-cold blue gaze, he turned his head. The atmosphere was uncomfortable; he barely spoke. But Jess put his hand on Leesa's shoulder and said: "I'm sorry." Leesa was shocked — it wasn't a phrase he said often. The bell rang. Finally. Everyone packed up in silence. Jess wiped away the last drop from the lab session with a paper towel, without looking up. Leesa gathered her things, her heart heavy. No more "princess." Nothing at all. She got up to leave when she felt a hand brush her wrist. Jess. He was looking at her even though she didn't turn around. He spoke quietly, just for her: "Are you mad at me, princess?" The word hit her like a shock. Princess. He had said it like before. Husky. A little mocking. A little sincere. Leesa stayed frozen. Jess finally looked up. No more pity. Just him. "Because I'm not mad at you. Even with the mashed potatoes." He gave that lopsided half-smile and left, leaving Leesa alone with her heart beating too fast.

༺CHAPTER 6༻ The next morning, Leesa was walking with Lia through the entrance hall. "Good morning, princess." Jess was leaning against a locker, hands in his pockets. Lia stopped dead. "Oh no, not him," she snorted. Jess was staring at Leesa, and said: "So, did you miss me, princess?" Leesa walked on without saying anything, ignoring him completely. During French class, Jess was in the row right behind her; he leaned forward to whisper: "Do you have a pen, princess?" Lia spun around to murmur at him, annoyed: "No she doesn't, you should have thought about your pencil case — too bad, figure it out yourself." The teacher stopped to reprimand Lia. Leesa passed him a pen anyway but Jess was not impressed: "I don't like that one — can you give me another?" Lia just wanted to smack him in the face. Leesa did nothing and kept writing down the lesson. Jess kept asking her again and again. The teacher stopped again and this time looked at Jess and raised her voice: "Are you three nearly done?! If this keeps up I'm going to move you!" Jess hit back: "It's Leesa — she took my pen and won't give it back!" The teacher asked Leesa to give it back, which she did, and Jess replied in a husky whisper: "Thank you, princess." That phrase, that voice, sent a shiver down Leesa's spine. At break time, Leesa thought she would finally get some peace. But that was not the case. Jess came to find her and handed her a bottle of water. "Here, hydrate yourself, princess — it's important in this heat." Leesa had had enough of him and his sweet words that hid venom. She turned around furiously: "CAN YOU STOP?!" Jess leaned toward her, voice low: "Stop what? Calling you princess?" He winked at her. "No!" He gave her that crooked smile as he said it. Lia added: "I'M GOING TO BE SICK!"

༺CHAPTER 7༻ It was 9:17 PM. Leesa was coming home from a night out with her girlfriends. Her makeup made the icy blue of her eyes stand out. And her black dress showed off her figure. Her mother had welcomed her warmly and asked how it had gone. Leesa was going into her room when she turned around and saw a silhouette leaning against the window in front of a sky that was slowly growing dark. She recognized... JESS?! He was in a black t-shirt and loose trousers, soaked by the rain, his black hair dripping and falling down over his amber eyes. "Good evening, princess!" He said it as if it were completely normal. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? What are you doing at my place, in my room?" Jess closed the window behind him, then smiled. "Your mother was home — I assume she wouldn't have let me in. Am I wrong? And I needed to talk to you." Leesa, stunned, said: "First of all, keep your voice down! My mother could hear us. And couldn't you have just sent me a message, like any normal person?" "I could have, but you wouldn't have replied, princess. Am I wrong?" He took two steps into her room. He looked at the posters, the desk covered in sketches, and he stopped at the photo of her as a little girl on her dresser. Then he turned back to face her. No smug smile this time. Just Jess. Tired and soaked. "I hope you missed me — you wouldn't happen to have a bathroom where I can dry off?" Leesa gave him a skeptical look. "You're kidding me? Want a coffee too?" Jess slowly took in the lines of her figure. Leesa's heart was pounding against her ribs. From fear. From anger. And from something else she didn't want to name...

༺CHAPTER 8༻ A long silence fell. Jess looked at her, suspicious: "So, the bathroom? I'm dripping and I'm a bit cold." Knock knock. "Leesa, is everything okay? Who are you talking to?" They looked at each other in a panic. Leesa signaled him to hide behind the door and not make a sound. Jess complied. Leesa took a breath and quickly smoothed out her black dress. "Yes, I'm fine, Mom! I was talking to myself... I was singing." Her voice was trembling; she felt her heart pounding wildly in her chest. The handle turned. Leesa quickly stepped in front of it, blocking the entrance. "I'm getting changed, Mom!" Her mother poked her head in. Looked around the room. The rumpled bed. The closed window. And the smell. The smell of rain and dampness. "You told me you were singing! And it smells strangely like rain. Did you open your window?" "Yes, I was singing and getting changed at the same time. And I opened my window — it was hot." Silence. Her mother looked for a long moment. Jess swallowed loudly. Then her mother smiled. "Alright, goodnight sweetheart. Sleep well!" "Thanks, you too, Mom!" The door closed. Leesa waited for her mother to go downstairs before stepping away from the entrance. Jess came out from behind the door with a sigh. "She scared me so much." He had a half-smile, but you could tell he had been frightened. Leesa stood in front of him: "Imagine if she'd seen you, Jess!" "She didn't, so relax, princess." His voice was calm now. "That's why I'm here, soaking wet. Because it's important." Outside it was still raining. But in her room it was forty degrees.

༺CHAPTER 9༻ A new silence settled. But a different one. More electric. Jess leaned against the wall, arms crossed. Water was still dripping from his hair and his t-shirt onto the parquet floor. "So?" he said. "So what?" Leesa replied defensively. "The bathroom, princess — or would you rather let me freeze to death?" Leesa rolled her eyes but she took him there. "3 minutes and not a second more. And don't touch anything!" She handed him a towel to dry off with. When she came out of the bathroom, she heard... THE HAIR DRYER?! She went back into the bathroom furiously and there, facing her, was Jess — bare-chested. "What's wrong, princess?" "Are you serious?! I told you not to touch anything. Do you want to meet my mother or what?" He looked at her and let out a small laugh. When he came back out he was almost dry; he settled himself on the floor: "Thank you." "You're welcome." A new silence. He got up and walked over to her desk to pick up one of her sketches. A portrait. Of Jess. "Do you still draw, princess?" "Yes." "Do you still draw me?" he said with a smug smile. Leesa snatched the sheet from his hands, her face burning. "No! It's not you!" Jess smiled. That crooked smile she hated. "Liar." He took one last look at her sketches. "Right. I have to go before your mother finds out I'm here." He went toward the window. Then he turned back toward Leesa. "I could very easily have sent you a message, you know." "So why did you come?" Jess shrugged. "Because messages... you can lie with them. In real life, it's harder." He opened the window. The rain came in. "Goodnight, Leesa." And he disappeared into the night before she could even answer him. Leesa stayed there alone, leaning on the windowsill. He hadn't said a thing. And yet, she had the feeling he had said everything.

༺CHAPTER 10༻ It was morning. At school. Leesa had only had 2 hours of sleep; she had thought about Jess all night — him in her room, him bare-chested, him leaving through the window... Her blue eyes had dark circles under them. She walked into class. Jess was already there. Behind her, hood up. Head down on the table. As if nothing had happened the night before. As if he hadn't been bare-chested in her bathroom at 10:10 PM. Lia sat down beside her. "Oh! You look rough... You didn't sleep?" "I did." Lia gave her a skeptical look. The teacher came in clapping her hands to settle the silence. She took attendance. "Jess!" "Present." His voice. The same. Not a tremor. The whole day. In the hallways, in the cafeteria, in PE... He talked to his friends, laughed, scored 3 baskets, didn't even look at her once. They crossed paths — not a glance. Nothing. Leesa was going out of her mind. Everything had changed after that night. Had she dreamed it? Or was he regretting it? At 4:30 PM, the last class of the day. She was leaving the room after that long hour of class when someone slipped a piece of paper into her pocket. She unfolded it in the bathroom. Her hands were clammy and trembling. She recognized the handwriting — in italics, lazy. "Window open tonight?" No "princess." No signature. Just THAT. Leesa stayed in the bathroom for 5 minutes. He had been silent all day. And now he was asking her to let him into her house. Again. As if he had been waiting for that all day long. Outside it was raining again.

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