Perhaps
by Eszter · 18 June 2026 · Biography & Memoir
The shop has been perhaps closing for 11 years — 2013, 2020, now. Now is different, quieter. The Hungarian literature section is still excellent, the corner chairs still there. Eszter doesn't know what she'd do otherwise. Never allowed herself to think seriously about it — wisdom or cowardice, she's not sure which.
The shop has been perhaps closing for eleven years. The first perhaps was in 2013 when the rent went up and my husband sat at the kitchen table with a spreadsheet and said: we need to talk about this. The second was in 2020 when everything closed and we looked at the numbers in a way we hadn't allowed ourselves to before. The third is now, which is different from the first two in a way I can't yet articulate — quieter, perhaps, the way a question becomes quieter the longer it stays unanswered.
What I know is: the shop is smaller than when I started, not in square metres but in what it can do. Fewer events, fewer staff, fewer new releases I can afford to stock. The section on Hungarian literature is still excellent. The travel section is better than it should be for a shop this size. The chairs in the corner where people used to sit for hours are still there but fewer people sit in them.
I've been a bookseller for thirty years. I don't know what I'd do otherwise. I've never allowed myself to think about it seriously, which is either wisdom or cowardice and I've never been sure which.
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