Volume 1: Finding You in the Dark (2)

༺CHAPTER 11༻ It was 9:20 PM, a little later than the night before, and Jess still wasn't there. Leesa was waiting for him, sitting on her bed with the towel he had used the night before. Leesa had done the same makeup, dressed the same way as last time, and the same hairstyle. Except that this time she had added a touch of cherry blossom perfume.

The sound of a motorbike echoed through the small town. Leesa rushed to her window. And saw a motorcyclist. When he took off his helmet, Leesa recognized Jess's black hair.

A few minutes later Jess came in, soaked. Again.

This time, his hair wasn't wet, but his t-shirt was still clinging to his skin.

He closed the window behind him and turned back toward Leesa, who was holding out the towel to him.

They looked at each other.

Neither of them spoke.

All you could hear was the rain drumming against the window.

"You left it open," he said at last. In a low voice.

"Yes, why?"

Jess shrugged. Pretended not to care.

"Because it's raining outside," Jess answered.

Jess moved closer. One step. Then two steps.

He stopped 30 centimeters away from her. Just close enough for her to feel his breath.

"All day I pretended," he murmured.

"Me too," she answered.

Another silence. This one wasn't electric. It was dangerous.

Jess raised his hand slightly. Hesitated. Then finally he did it. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

The gesture was gentle and light.

"I didn't come for the bathroom, Leesa."

"Then why?" she answered in a soft voice.

He slowly lowered his eyes to her lips. Came back up. He now had his hand on her shoulder.

"Are you going to regret it or not?"

Outside, a flash of lightning lit up part of the room.

Leesa still didn't answer.

༺CHAPTER 12༻ "Are you going to regret it or not?"

The rain, the lightning, his hand on her shoulder, his smell of rain and Leesa's mixed together...

Leesa had had enough.

Enough of the questions,

Enough of the silence all day,

Enough of waiting...

Jess took her face in his hands and pressed his lips against hers. Leesa froze, surprised.

Was she really ready? What would Lia think of this? She said she hated him but deep down she loved him. How did one go about this?

Leesa pushed Jess away. All her thoughts had made her panic.

"Leesa, are you okay?"

Jess was looking at her with a surprised expression.

Leesa said nothing.

A silence settled in, this one wasn't like the others, it was unsettling and uncomfortable.

Leesa still refused to speak.

Jess turned back toward the window, ready to leave. When suddenly Leesa said:

"Jess! Wait."

She grabbed him by the collar and kissed him back.

Not gently. Not like a first time.

Like she had been holding back for a long time.

Everything disappeared around them.

When they finally pulled apart.

Jess whispered to her:

"You did it, princess."

The nickname she hadn't liked before was now her favorite.

"Yes I did it! And I don't regret a thing."

He smiled at her. Outside, the rain kept falling.

But in the room, it was warm, even very warm.

_Knock knock_

"Leesa, is everything okay?"

It was her mother. So Jess winked at her and slipped away into the night.

"Yes Mom, don't worry."

༺CHAPTER 13༻ _her alarm going off for the 20th time_

Leesa got up very late, she had barely slept again.

She got herself ready properly to go to class. She spent 20 minutes longer than usual in the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror and then realized something. Her heart had started beating hard.

Same lipstick, same dress, same makeup... She had made herself pretty, for him. And only for him.

And now she felt guilty. She began to change, do her hair differently and take off her makeup. When suddenly...

Lia sent her a message.

"Come on, hurry up, I'm waiting for you!"

She had the same dark circles as the day before, but this time it was entirely her own fault.

She joined Lia to catch the bus.

Lia exclaimed:

"Hey! Why do you smell like rain and... (a moment of thought) JESS'S COLOGNE!!"

"It's... a long story! Come on, let's hurry." Leesa mumbled.

Leesa walked into the classroom, she saw Jess. In a white long-sleeved sweater with THE black t-shirt over it. She sat down beside him. And for the entire class. NOTHING. Not a word. As if the night had changed nothing. As if their lips had never touched. At the end of class Jess put his arm around her neck and whispered:

"Window still open tonight, princess?"

Her heart and her breath stopped for 2 seconds. She was the color of fire.

Lia could feel something was going on.

Leesa, embarrassed, said nothing in reply.

It was the end of the day, last class. Still not a word. Just looks. Lia leaned over to Leesa and whispered:

"Are you going to tell me what's going on between you two?!"

"Uh... Nothing at all."

Lia gave her her best skeptical look.

A few minutes later she received a paper airplane on her desk. She hesitated to open it and with trembling hands she opened it and read:

"Window open?"

Lia was starting to suspect something....

༺CHAPTER 14༻ It was getting late, that night, it wasn't raining.

Leesa was waiting impatiently for Jess.

She heard a motorbike, he was finally here!

A few minutes later, Jess was in the room.

Silence. Nobody spoke. This time you could clearly smell his cologne.

Jess moved closer to Leesa.

"How are you, princess?"

"I'm fine, I'm with you."

Leesa put on soft music from her phone.

They began to waltz together. Jess spun Leesa around before drawing her close to him. Leesa felt her heart beat. She loved this. It was gentle. Now they were dancing hand in hand, Leesa's head resting on Jess's chest. When the music ended, Leesa lifted her head toward Jess. They looked at each other without saying a word.

It was a long gaze, even too long. Jess gently placed his lips on Leesa's. This time she didn't push him away, but savored the moment. The kiss was long and electric. Everything disappeared around them, they were there, alone.

Until... Leesa's mother walked in without knocking, a hibiscus tea in her hand.

"Lee-" she stopped dead.

She saw them kissing. Leesa and Jess pulled apart, embarrassed.

"Oh Mom! Why didn't you knock?" she said in an embarrassed tone.

"... I'm sorry. I didn't expect this of you..."

She closed the door, and Leesa felt guilty about what had just happened.

Leesa looked Jess straight in the eyes.

"Leave, Jess!"

And he did without flinching, without saying a word...

༺CHAPTER 15༻ It was 10:30 PM.

Leesa was lying on her bed, crying her eyes out.

Her mother said nothing, not a word. And 0 messages from Jess.

Leesa thought back to the _"I didn't expect this of you..."_ that had made her feel so terrible. And the way she had told Jess to leave... She wanted to send a message to Lia, but remembered that she didn't know anything about any of it, and that she couldn't tell her everything right now.

She asked herself a whole heap of questions. Should she apologize to her mother? Send a message to Jess? Or just stop everything...

"I ruined everything!" she said in a trembling voice.

She wrote to her mother:

_I'm sorry Mom..._

But lost all her courage and deleted the message before turning her phone completely off. To stop hurting...

Jess was outside, in the cold. Alone. It was almost 11 PM.

He was riding home on his motorbike in the wind. As he rode he was thinking about _"Leave, Jess..."_. He was hurting but he respected it.

Arriving in front of his house, he hesitated... And he sent her a message.

He typed:

_Are you okay, Leesa?_

Hit send. And waited.

When he crossed the threshold, his father grumbled:

"Where were you this time?! Do you know what time it is?! Go to bed. RIGHT NOW!!"

Jess understood that he was drunk. He went up to his room without saying anything. Jess lived alone with his father, for 3 years. His father was drunk most of the time.

༺CHAPTER 16༻ Leesa woke up early, even though she had barely slept all night.

Her eyes were all puffy and red from crying the night before.

Her first reflex was to pick up her phone and turn it on.

She saw the notification from Jess's message sent the night before at 11:02 PM. "_Are you okay, Leesa?_"

Her heart leapt, then she felt even more guilty for not having replied. Maybe he was worried? Then she remembered "Leave, Jess." She typed three different messages but deleted them all. She put her phone down, without replying to him.

She went downstairs for breakfast, her mother was already at the table.

There was a heavy silence, an icy silence. Just the sound of cups.

Her mother poured her hibiscus tea, the same as the night before, but without even glancing at her.

Leesa hated this atmosphere, and would have liked to change it. She would have liked to just say that one word that seemed so simple but wasn't. Sorry. She couldn't manage it. Her throat tightened. The tea was scalding, but she didn't feel it. The pain she was feeling right now was far worse than a burn.

Her phone vibrated. Jess. "_Ok. I understand, princess_."

How could he call her "princess" in a situation like this?

Her mother glanced over her shoulder. She saw the message, but still said nothing. Yet Leesa would have given anything just to hear the sound of her voice.

༺CHAPTER 17༻ Leesa decided to send him a message, a long one. She explained herself and apologized.

After 5 minutes she checked to see if he was online. He never was. She refreshed, she refreshed again and again until her thumb was sore.

It had been 1 hour, Jess still hadn't been online. It was maybe even worse than being left on read. What if he had blocked her? What if Jess was in danger? She thought back to the last time they had seen each other. He had looked tired. What if it was her fault?

Leesa pushed those thoughts away. The "I understand" meant "I don't care," in the end.

That same evening, still no reply.

She looked through her old photos, his stories, their old messages...

Her mother wasn't home, there was no sound at all. It was all quiet compared to the noise in her head.

She hesitated to call Jess. Her thumb was trembling over the phone icon.

_What if he didn't pick up? What if he did pick up?_

She pressed it. It rang. With each ring her heart rose. Once. Twice. Three times. Then nothing... Voicemail.

No answer.

Leesa tried again, but still nothing. He had completely disappeared.

༺CHAPTER 18༻ In the middle of the night, Leesa wasn't sleeping, she was thinking about Jess and everything that could have happened to him. She was about to close her eyes when suddenly, her phone started vibrating. She sat up quickly, and took her phone hoping it was finally Jess. She unlocked her phone. IT'S HIM. Jess. Leesa was smiling and couldn't help it.

She was afraid to open it. What if it was "sorry I'd rather stop everything" or even "sorry I'm not talking to you anymore" or even just a "goodbye." She felt the stress and adrenaline spike all at once.

She read the message. It was.... short. Too short! He hadn't even replied to her message. Leesa was devastated.

Just:

_Can we meet, princess?_

It was actually worse than what she had expected.

Leesa replied too quickly, three paragraphs at once. But she deleted it all and just sent "ok..." instead.

He had seen it. He was typing... then nothing again.

He was good at drawing out the suspense.

༺CHAPTER 19༻ In the early morning, Leesa came downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast, her mother was already there. The house was still just as silent even though her mother was home. Neither of them dared to speak. About Jess. About anything. Until the moment Leesa burst into tears. Her mother looked at her sadly and took her in her arms.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

Leesa told her everything from start to finish, all of it over a hibiscus tea. Then came the heartfelt moment.

"I'm sorry Mom, for not telling you. And for doing everything behind your back. It really broke me when you caught us, that's when I realized what I had just done."

"I was scared for you, Leesa. That's why I was harsh."

"No more secrets from now on! I need to be able to have your trust."

A bird flew into the window.

They both jumped and then burst out laughing together.

They talked about their days, and everything they had missed in the last few days. Just hearing the sound of her voice, and even better, her laugh, did her so much good.

She had released all the pressure, now everything was better.

"Do you want to do a little shopping tomorrow?" said her mother, serene and grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes, excellent idea. It'll take my mind off things. Thank you Mom..."

In the end, everything was working out, the house could finally breathe again.

༺CHAPTER 20༻ In the tea and coffee aisle, Leesa and her mother were doing their shopping as planned. They were relaxed, and even laughing.

Leesa spotted a raspberry tea up high on the shelf:

"Oh! We could try that one, it looks good doesn't it?"

Her mother nodded and tried to reach it.

"Leesa I'm too short, can you try to reach it please?"

Leesa tried in turn on her tiptoes... And didn't manage it.

"Can I help you?"

Leesa recognized that voice, she knew it all too well.

She slowly turned around. And saw Jess with his basket in his hand. He was right there, standing in front of her.

"Oh yes please! Thank you, that's very kind of you, young man!"

Jess looked at Leesa with a smug smile.

She knew what to expect. And she wasn't wrong.

"Hey, princess!"

Leesa laughed nervously.

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Princess?"

"Uh... Mom, this is Jess. Jess, this is my mom."

"Ah.. hello, Ma'am." he was dying inside.

Jess handed them the boxes.

"Thank you, Jess. That's kind."

An icy silence settled in. They were looking each other dead in the eye.

Her mother went on ahead, Leesa stayed back 2 seconds with Jess.

He moved closer and whispering, breathing against her ear:

"I can't pretend. Do you want us to talk tonight?"

_silence_ He looked at her with that smile she knew too well:

"I was a bit afraid to ask, window open?"

Leesa felt his warm breath. Her heart raced.

In front of them a cart squeaked.

"Leesa? Are you coming, sweetheart?"

Her mother's voice. Dry and gentle at the same time.

A shiver ran through Leesa's body.

"Yes, I'm coming Mom!"

She stepped back, without taking her eyes off Jess.

He nodded just once.

She rejoined her mother, palms sweaty.

Her mother said nothing. She took the boxes and moved on.

But Leesa felt Jess's gaze on her back.

She knew, she knew something was happening.

But she didn't dare turn around.

༺CHAPTER 21༺ Leesa and her mother were leaving the shop. They were about to get in the car when her mother saw Jess walking away alone, his shopping in his hands, in the rain.

Jess had come on foot, but now it was raining.

Her mother looked at him and said:

"Jess! Get in, I'll drive you home, it's raining too hard!"

Jess turned around and smiled:

"Thank you very much, Ma'am."

He looked at Leesa with a sideways grin and raised his eyebrows.

Leesa could feel trouble coming.

"Mom no-"

Her mother got behind the wheel.

"Jess, sit next to Leesa. In the middle, and put your shopping next to you."

Jess did as told without flinching, on the contrary, smiling.

He was already wet, hair plastered down, his black t-shirt dripping.

At every bend, his shoulder against hers and his knee against hers.

Jess leaned toward Leesa and whispered in a low voice:

"Princess."

Leesa acted as if nothing was happening, and looked out the rain-streaked window so as not to crack.

Her mother turned on the radio, and she glanced a few times in the rearview mirror. She talked about her day.

Jess had a crooked half-smile, he was guilty of loving the moment.

He deliberately brushed his hand against hers. Leesa still wasn't reacting and had no intention of doing so.

He looked at her thinking to himself:

_Oh right, you don't want to react, princess? Ok._

BOOM

The car shook. There was a storm.

Jess was still looking at Leesa with a provocative air.

"Some windows are still open, they should close them, it could be dangerous."

Leesa still wasn't looking at him but she rolled her eyes anyway.

Her mother, without even understanding, replied:

"Yes, open windows in a storm could be dangerous. Good thinking, you're quite forward-looking, Jess! Now, we'll be arriving soon, would you like to come in for a tea with us or do you prefer to go home?"

Jess answered without even thinking:

"I'll take the tea. Until the weather calms down, and my dad too."

༺CHAPTER 22༻ The house smelled clean, according to Jess.

Leesa's mother had put the keys down too hard on the sideboard, like she always did when she was stressed.

"Stay here. I'll go get some towels and put the kettle on with the cherry blossom tea. You're both soaked."

She disappeared down the hallway. You could hear her footsteps all the way to the bathroom.

Silence.

It was just the two of them left, sitting beside each other in the kitchen. With the sound of the rain beating against the windowpanes.

Jess was looking at her. Soaked, hair plastered down, his black t-shirt dripping.

"Mom's going to make tea," Leesa breathed, just to say something.

Jess smiled. That smile.

"Cherry blossom tea? Of course, princess."

"What?"

He leaned in a little toward Leesa, to smell her.

"You even wear cherry blossom perfume. Do you want to drink your own perfume now?"

Leesa felt her entire face heat up.

"Shut your-"

"Why?" He laughed softly. "Does it bother you that I know your perfume so well?"

He once again deliberately brushed his hand against hers. Just a few seconds.

Behind them, the kettle began to whistle.

Her mother came back, trotting in.

He moved a little closer and in a sensual voice whispered:

"You smell really too good. That's the problem, Leesa."

Then Jess pulled back sharply, when he saw her mother coming.

To change the subject Leesa said:

"My mom makes incredibly good tea, especially traditional Chinese tea."

Leesa's phone started vibrating, it was Lia who had gone on holiday abroad.

Her name appeared on screen. Lia. With a clear message:

_We need to talk!_

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